There is a distinct rumbling in the area of marriage and divorce as couples who are separated and divorce keep living together.
For many people the thought of living with their cheating or overbearing ex partner may be more than they can deal with and most would agree with them. What I find surprising is why so many people are shocked and dismayed by this. I would have thought that by now in 2011 we were learning to accept new ideas and actions as a fact of life.
When a new concept is born it is usually because a major event has happened in our world. The second world war saw women becoming more independent because so many of their husbands were away at war while the recent recession saw a change in the way people separate and divorce.
The credit crunch has made money a rarer commodity as couples who were contemplating divorce stay living together so they are able to pool resources. They may still intend to divorce but with the average price of a divorce in America being $15000.00 to $20000.00 they may need to sell their home just to pay for it.
An interesting development is how separated couples who finalized their divorce continue to stay living together. You can understand them staying together to save for the divorce but choosing to continue with their living arrangement long after the divorce papers have been filed away is something to think about.
I suppose it comes down to knowing where your own personal comfort zone is and maybe even though the intimacy is gone from the marriage there could still be love. Whatever that secret ingredient is I have no doubt we are going to see more people living together in divorce.
Is this a reaction to the decline of marriage itself?
We have all been concerned about the high rate of divorce, as it seems to be escalating as each year goes by. Something like one out of two married couples are calling it quits and heading for the divorce courts. It seems so easy to get married. Say the vows "till death do us part" then jump ship when things get too hard to handle.
Along comes the recession and walking away from a marriage is suddenly not such a great idea. For many separated couples the credit crunch must have been like a noose tightening around their necks as they contemplated life with their ex for an indefinite period of time. From ex husband or wife to new roommate people tried to accept that they had no control over the situation (recession) and got on with the job of living under the same roof with their ex spouse and children.
Gods Wrath or Infinite wisdom?
It there is indeed a god in the heavens perhaps he grew tired of marriage being treated like a revolving door and dumped a financial crisis on us to make us see that we had been living in a thrown away world for far too long.
Divorced but still living together couples possibly make up the higher percentage of couples living together in divorce. These unique families decided at some point they were better off staying together and live separate lives within the framework of their family unit. Trial and error would have seen them working through their issues as ex lovers in order for them to provide a new safe and secure environment for their children.
By setting up some simple boundaries they will be able to make it work. Boundaries give you a guide as to what you can and cannot do. In an emotionally stretched family unit such as this boundary setting is essential for a peaceful co-existence. A simple example could be if you want to bring a date home and your ex-wife is dead against it. She has set a boundary and needs you to respect it. By agreeing on important boundaries at the start you will avoid any sudden blow-ups and confusion.
You do not have to make your new roommate your new best friend but it if you can make them your ally your living arrangement has a chance of going the distance. There is always the choice to be kind or cruel to each other but the latter will not help. Just because your husband or wife is swallowed up in their emotions does not mean you have to make them feel worse. Relationships are not easy even when a couple is madly in love so living together while separated or divorced will tax even the calmest of personalities. You are doing this because it is either necessary for your families survival or there is something to be gained from it. Focus on the positive aspects and you will both be able to get to the end.
Find out how DIVORCING and SEPARATED couples are managing to remain living together in the same house. This book Living Together In Divorce covers every conceivable aspect of making the transition from married couple to ROOMMATES a workable proposition - Available now
Author - Linda E. Cole
Image - Rob Boudon (Flickr: robboudon)
Article Source - ezine