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Divorced But Living Together - Separate Lives In The Same Home!

Image by Rob Boudon from FlickrThere is a distinct rumbling in the area of marriage and divorce as couples who are separated and divorce keep living together.

For many people the thought of living with their cheating or overbearing ex partner may be more than they can deal with and most would agree with them. What I find surprising is why so many people are shocked and dismayed by this. I would have thought that by now in 2011 we were learning to accept new ideas and actions as a fact of life.

When a new concept is born it is usually because a major event has happened in our world. The second world war saw women becoming more independent because so many of their husbands were away at war while the recent recession saw a change in the way people separate and divorce.

The credit crunch has made money a rarer commodity as couples who were contemplating divorce stay living together so they are able to pool resources. They may still intend to divorce but with the average price of a divorce in America being $15000.00 to $20000.00 they may need to sell their home just to pay for it.

An interesting development is how separated couples who finalized their divorce continue to stay living together. You can understand them staying together to save for the divorce but choosing to continue with their living arrangement long after the divorce papers have been filed away is something to think about.

I suppose it comes down to knowing where your own personal comfort zone is and maybe even though the intimacy is gone from the marriage there could still be love. Whatever that secret ingredient is I have no doubt we are going to see more people living together in divorce.

Is this a reaction to the decline of marriage itself?

We have all been concerned about the high rate of divorce, as it seems to be escalating as each year goes by. Something like one out of two married couples are calling it quits and heading for the divorce courts. It seems so easy to get married. Say the vows "till death do us part" then jump ship when things get too hard to handle.

Along comes the recession and walking away from a marriage is suddenly not such a great idea. For many separated couples the credit crunch must have been like a noose tightening around their necks as they contemplated life with their ex for an indefinite period of time. From ex husband or wife to new roommate people tried to accept that they had no control over the situation (recession) and got on with the job of living under the same roof with their ex spouse and children.

Gods Wrath or Infinite wisdom?

It there is indeed a god in the heavens perhaps he grew tired of marriage being treated like a revolving door and dumped a financial crisis on us to make us see that we had been living in a thrown away world for far too long.

Divorced but still living together couples possibly make up the higher percentage of couples living together in divorce. These unique families decided at some point they were better off staying together and live separate lives within the framework of their family unit. Trial and error would have seen them working through their issues as ex lovers in order for them to provide a new safe and secure environment for their children.

By setting up some simple boundaries they will be able to make it work. Boundaries give you a guide as to what you can and cannot do. In an emotionally stretched family unit such as this boundary setting is essential for a peaceful co-existence. A simple example could be if you want to bring a date home and your ex-wife is dead against it. She has set a boundary and needs you to respect it. By agreeing on important boundaries at the start you will avoid any sudden blow-ups and confusion.

You do not have to make your new roommate your new best friend but it if you can make them your ally your living arrangement has a chance of going the distance. There is always the choice to be kind or cruel to each other but the latter will not help. Just because your husband or wife is swallowed up in their emotions does not mean you have to make them feel worse. Relationships are not easy even when a couple is madly in love so living together while separated or divorced will tax even the calmest of personalities. You are doing this because it is either necessary for your families survival or there is something to be gained from it. Focus on the positive aspects and you will both be able to get to the end.

Find out how DIVORCING and SEPARATED couples are managing to remain living together in the same house. This book Living Together In Divorce covers every conceivable aspect of making the transition from married couple to ROOMMATES a workable proposition - Available now

Author - Linda E. Cole

Image - Rob Boudon (Flickr: robboudon)

Article Source - ezine

Comments (20)

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it is not good smilies/wink.gifsmilies/wink.gifsmilies/wink.gif
a guest , April 10, 2012
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How can either party move on? I don't want to see who my ex is having relations with and if not having adult relations in the house is a stipulation, again, what kind of life is that. Move out and move on!!!!

To the guest who commented...what is your situation? Interested to hear this as I tried it for financial reasons and gave up after a couple of months...way too confusing and we fought more often than not.
a guest , April 10, 2012
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I'm fascinated by this and by the concept of nesting (one house for the kids, the parent who has custody at that time stays with them in the house). I know a handful of people who have tried both - but as a temporary fix. This is usually a short-term solution until, say, the house sells and the proceeds can be split appropriately.
a guest , April 10, 2012
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i am actually trying that house living together while being separated. it is tough on both side knowing that feelings are there, wanting to work it out but on the other hand devorce you'll looseo everything financially...
a guest , June 01, 2012
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I tried it but it did not work. I needed to separate as there was too much anger to begin with. I do know a couple who actually makes this work. Kudos if you can. Way cheaper in the long run.
a guest , June 01, 2012
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I am a producer for a show about divorced and separated couples who are living together. Documentary series for a MAJOR NEWS NETWORK. Email me at castingparisa@gmail.com or call 818.842.2496 if you or someone you know might be interested. --Parisa
a guest , June 04, 2012
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I am actually looking for divorced or divorcing couples who still live together for a major news network. Please feel free to contact me at jillcasting@gmail.com.

This is a very thoughtful show and will offer free legal advice and free mediation as well.
a guest , June 20, 2012
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I am in such a situation. My spouse and I are Ex's (still married but separated and clearly ex'es). We live together in one home and if we divorced then for the reason that one of us wants to get remarried - for now. It is not easy and we still are on the way to work this out. Right now we are living like room-mates who sometimes hate each other. I still think at times it is worth it, because everone is a being from source and good at the heart. If I can not make it work to be decent with one person (spouse / ex) then I will be facing one day the same problems with the next person (lover or new spouse etc.). I keep that in mind. If we separate NOW we'd have to sell the house and lot. What a tragedy! This is a beautiful place to live at and it shall remain so. One partner can move out once money is there. And as it stands now there is not enough money there. Plus, there is benefit with having a friend even if it is a ex spouse or ex lover. The future will show if I can make this work for myself! If I could I would live alone. But as said the home and house shall not be distroyed if we can help it. For many this may sound confusing. However, it will also bring society to new terms. We learn to deal in new ways. Rather than spitting blood and nails onto the other we learn to deal decent with another person - even if we feel they hurt us.
a guest , July 06, 2012
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I was married to a man for 10 years. Divorced him, although I left some items at his home and co-havitated with him for a year afterwords. We married again, it has lasted 2 years. I am now divorcing him again…. Crazy deal. He is a narcissist man who has more money than he knows what to do with and blames everyone for his misery.
a guest , August 18, 2012
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Looking for Couples who divorced because one of them turned out to be gay, yet, they still perhaps even live together or at least get along for the sake of children, or business, or some sort of common attachment.  For a major network television show. Let me know.  :-) BrandonJamesCasting@gmail.com
a guest , August 27, 2012
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smilies/sad.gif It's not a good idea. All very modern, but what of the new relationships either of you form?? I've seen it in action. It always seems to be the new relationships that take the brunt of the old one. I think this kind of situation is basically just a cop out, people scared to move on. Be brave and live true, people! Or if you choose to live like this just don't drag anyone else into it. Their feeling matter too! The couple I know who do this have hurt more than one person with their arrangement - and actually I think their child is more screwed up by it than if they'd separated.
Yeah right, "for the sake of the children"
a guest , September 30, 2012
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My parents live together and they aren't divorced or anything. My father lives in my basement and my mom lives in the upper floors of our house. My mother has a boyfriend, and my father has a girlfriend. Don't do it to your child if you have one. Please, it is the worst experience for me that I have ever had to deal with. I don't want any other child to go threw this. Just divorce, it will do everyone a favor. Also, you won't have to pay for psychology sessions for you children.
a guest , October 08, 2012
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smilies/cry.gif married 16 years, divorced. reconciled after 2 years. 2 years later this does NOT work, We no longer work. I want this to be over. i want him out but her refused to leave. Says he cant afford to live on his own. I think he came back because he had no place to go. His young girlfriend (who he has a child with) probably kicked him out. I can't stand it. He lives here and I pay all the bills and household EVERYTHING. I hate this. I feel bad for him, but he is not my responsibility, only our two children are.
a guest , October 09, 2012
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If you or someone you know is in this situation we want to meet you for a New Reality Show.
Please email us and tell us about your story.
a guest , November 14, 2012
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If you or someone you know is in this situation we want to meet you for a New Reality Show.
Please email us and tell us about your story. annamillercasting@gmail.com
a guest , November 14, 2012
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cbwlxn I want all the stuff about Season 3 and I want no more loan comments! Now-se!,north face jackets soldes www.northfaceparkafr.com 031445
north face jackets soldes , December 02, 2012
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I have been divorced from my ex-wife for 6 months. We are still living together with our 6 year old son and it seems we get along far better now than we ever had. Yes, she makes me mad at times, but it is minor stuff. I am not dating and I have no time for it now. If she is seeing someone I really don't care. We diverged paths long before getting the divorce and we are just continuing on towards our own goals. We sleep in separate rooms. We have separate spaces like home office, TV room, etc. We only share the kitchen. Our son thinks everything is pretty much the same and my ex and I don't fight as much so it probably would be better for him now. We did not involve lawyers in our divorce which made things far more friendly than the usual scenario. Will it last? Who knows. It is working for us at the moment and that is what matters. We are both feeling better than before. No tears. No fights. We are more confident we can work together to sort things out and be effective co-parenting our son. We are secure financially also.
a guest , December 20, 2012
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What about this? I was straight. Got together with a gay woman who has been all her life. She moved from the Uk to be with me. We've been together for almost 10 years. When we got together, I gave up the thought of having children as she is older and I am younger, and she didn't want any. In 2007, we got married. She needed the stability, and the knowing that I wasn't going to leave her high and dry. which I wouldn't. 2 years ago, because she is a Christian, she decided that we could no longer be a couple because it was not Christian, and I've been dumped for God. We still live together, in separate bedrooms, and work together in our own business. We are best friends, but that's not enough for me. I've been divorced before and don't want to do it again, but I never imagined that I would be dumped by her.
a guest , February 06, 2013
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Right now, my wife and I are separated but living in the same house. We have two young children and I work fulltime. She is a fulltime student working on becoming independent. It's a tough situation too because the social life and freedom favor her right now. I'd like to be in a new relationship but get the feeling that living with my wife is a deterrent to a new love interest. We're discussing divorce so that I can move on personally but we would still need to live together for who knows how long until she's ready to move out. Well be married 14 years this May.
a guest , March 10, 2013
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I just want our of this misserable marriage.I can't live another day with a pathalogical liar.I have depression, ptsd, no job no children, no money and no place to go. Kids are all grown.No family to help.Guesse Ill just get a shpping cart and go homeless.Anything is better than living with a lying, controll freak who has controlled all the finances for 26 years and destroyed my credit! Lifes just hard.smilies/sad.gif
a guest , March 21, 2013

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